your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
