i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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