If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
