I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
