he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
