I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
