There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
