people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
