I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
