My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
