she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize