don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
