You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i now understand why vodka
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
