and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
high people should be assigned attendants
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
