HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
