Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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