Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
