Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize