So drunk its hurt
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
