wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
