I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
