Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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