That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
