Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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