I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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