at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize