Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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