He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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