sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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