ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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