6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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