Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
