This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
try to milk me bitch
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
