How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
