I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
