started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
