I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
