I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
