He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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