There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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