Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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