Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize