you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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