stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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