at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We left the knife in your bed.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
