im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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