if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize