I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
