you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
