OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
