Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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