I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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