If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Randomize
