pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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