just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
