Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
