she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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