I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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