i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize