Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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