How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
