Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
