Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
