so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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