I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize