WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My nipple is on Facebook.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
