u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
