She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
