You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I could fuck to npr.
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