Jerry, you need to find god
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
