So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
